In my last post I used the words "as soon as I decide I am ready, I can have sex" and said that I was getting closer and closer to feeling ready. Little did I know that it would actually be almost 18 months after deciding I was ready that I would get to have sex.
It's a longish story and much of it isn't mine to tell, so I am not sure I feel comfortable giving every little detail of what happened since my last post. What I can say is that there have been two main reasons for the long wait. I decided not long after my last post that I was ready, and told Shy Guy in what I thought was a really seductive way while we were in bed and doing various other sexual things. He made no attempt to get a condom and didn't ask me for one and just kept kissing me, so I assumed he hadn't understood what I had said. I tried again next time we were together and again, no attempt at having sex.
I asked him why and all I could get out of him was that it would happen when he was ready and that many things affect men being ready for sex. That didn't really make a lot of sense to me, and there were some tears, frustration and annoyance on my part over the next few weeks. A little while later we still hadn't had sex so I asked again why, and this time he told me about something that had happened in his previous long term relationship which made him feel not ready to have sex. So I waited.
Over the next few months we still had a lot of fun, got on really well, and did other sexual stuff, but to me PIV sex felt like the elephant in the room. Every so often I would get hopeful that maybe he would be ready soon and when were being sexual and I was really aroused, I would hope that he might ask for a condom or somehow initiate sex. When he didn't I would be really disappointed. Every so often I would ask gently about sex and if there was anything I could do and if he thought he might ever be ready. I would then spend a few weeks not hoping for sex and just enjoying what we did do. Then I would get hopeful again, then disappointed, then not hopeful.
Eventually after many months of this, he did ask for a condom. I was so pleased. But we didn't get to have sex as he lost his erection when putting the condom on. This did however mean he was ready, and I got really excited and did all sorts of research about condoms and how to have them not affect erections, and shared this information with him, thinking that surely it wouldn't be too long before would would successfully have sex. Due to reason number two - performance anxiety on his part - it turned out to be another many months before it did.
We have now had sex, several times. We were both so incredibly happy after the first time it happened, he looked so so pleased (and I suspect I did too). We are both really enjoying it, me learning about sex, him getting back into it.
So, I am not longer a 40 something virgin. How do I feel? Overall, really happy that I finally got to experience sex. And really pleased that I shared it with someone as lovely as Shy Guy. I love that we are learning/relearning sex together. Sometimes I can't quite believe I have done it. I spent so long as a virgin, and for at least five years before I met Shy Guy I had resigned myself to being one forever, that it does feel a little strange that I am no longer one. I guess the more I do it, the less strange I will feel.
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