If you ask me, getting married on a whim, drunk, aged 19, to somebody you barely know is the only way of doing it. If I had my life over again, that's what I'd do. If I had children, that's what I would advise them. But I don't have children, because I've been loitering timidly by the open doorway for so long that I'll probably never jump out of the plane. Pause to think about it and you just sit back down and buckle your seatbelt.
Perhaps the tabloids would prefer Peaches to hit 30 without marrying anyone. Give her a chance to get used to the single life, taking her own space, own sleep patterns, own choices, own holidays, own friends, own family, completely for granted. Allow the idea of sharing all this with somebody else, forever, to become a bit nerveracking. Let her come to believe that, having left it so long, it would now be really stupid to make a mistake. Let her take the whole thing so damn seriously that, instead of acting without thinking, she constantly thinks without acting.
All thirtysomethings do is date for years, too scared of abandoning self-sufficiency to take things any further, until the other person's flaws (perfectly tolerable if they had already made the commitment) become giant, looming reasons not to marry them anyway. Or they get married and are so shocked by the unfamiliar compromises of permanent partnership, they have to get divorced again.
By Victoria Coren, The Observer, 26.10.2008
What if she’s right? What if I’m so used to being single, to having my own space, to doing exactly what I want to when I want to that I’m too scared to jump out of the damn plane? Yes I’m lonely, yes I want to be in a relationship, but being so accustomed to being alone would I actually be able to make the necessary compromises, be willing to lose some of my independence? I would hope that the prospect of enjoying life with someone I loved would make the answer to that yes, but I don’t think I’ll really know until it happens.
I definitely think I would take the whole process of embarking on a relationship much more seriously than I would have done 10-15 years ago. I suspect I would be likely to wonder if every potential boyfriend (assuming I ever have any) was “the one”, to wonder right from the start whether a relationship was going to lead to a life together, marriage, children even. I’m not sure I could simply date someone and just wait to see what happens without any expectations. A lot of pressure to put on a new relationship, and on any man brave or crazy enough to be interested in me.
3 comments:
i think that article made perfect sense. i too have wondered (and worried) if maybe i'm too used to being single. i do get lonely and i do want a relationship but what happens if after waiting for so long, i'm just afraid to make mistakes. and i think i'm just like you in the sense that we'd wonder if every potential boyfriend could be "the one".
my friend and i once admitted that sometimes we think we should have "slutted it up" 10 years ago. yeah well she's now happily married to an awesome guy whereas i'm still "digging through the pile".
I have wondered whether I should have tried to slutty thing when younger too, would my life be different now? But that isn't really me, if you know what I mean? I would've been way out of my comfort zone. Plus of course I'd been far to shy anyway. Most of my friends were like me, and most are now attached in some way.
when i was younger, i had friends who were kinda like me. not exactly experienced with guys and dating. and then i think they started getting coupled up one by one. and i wasn't too bored 'coz i always kinda figured that my time would come soon enough. but now i realise that maybe i should have worried bout it more then. 'coz things don't just seem to just figure 'emselves out in this area for me. and those those friends are married or in committed relationships.
and the friends i have now have always been "slutting it up". which leaves me in a really weird place. it's like either way i don't really belong...
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