Although I probably knew that about myself already. I went to my ex-housemate, the Scientist's birthday party the other evening. It was at her house and I said I'd go because I like her and because I would hate it if I was throwing a party and nobody came. I wasn't really that keen though, and would have preferred to sit at home with the TV or some music and a book.
I think I've mentioned previously that I'm not good in large groups of people. Well, the party was no exception. The only people I knew there were the Scientist, her housemate, and the Scientist's ex-work colleague. The rest were mostly people she knows from a musical activity she does. I spent some time talking to her, a little talking to her housemate, and most of the evening talking to the ex-work colleague. I will certainly never be one of those people who wanders around all the rooms at a house party chatting to everyone.
That bit of the evening was ok, especially when the ex-work colleague confessed that she didn't like house parties either. Unfortunately she had to leave fairly early and I ended up sitting with six or seven people I didn't know, listening to them talking and trying to smile or laugh at the appropriate points. I think I contributed about two comments, excluding telling them where I work when they asked.
I stayed late enough not to look rude then decided to leave. I got up and made my way out of the room, and I'm sure as I went one or two of the people made comments about having scared me off. I guess they may have thought I was unfriendly and rude as I didn't talk much, but surely there's no need to comment while I'm still in the room? I must have become much thicker skinned over the years because it didn't actually bother me. I just thought "oh well, their problem not mine".
I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this post. At 35 I know I'm not suddenly going to be able to change my whole character and become the life and soul of the party. I just wish I came across as a semi-confident, interesting person, rather than an extremely shy, socially maladjusted one. All the advice about going out and doing things making it easier to meet men is all very well, but it's not going to work if I can only manage to speak to people I already know.
4 comments:
Oh, I know exactly what you mean about parties. I don't do very well at them either and prefer to avoid them at any cost. I'm not good with large groups of people and, like you, would basically just sit there and listen to people talk and not contribute much. There's nothing wrong with not being the life of the party and not really liking to go to them either, but it's true, it would be nice to appear more confident...I'm always so shy and never say a word that I bet people wonder what's wrong with me. Doesn't make it easier to meet guys either but there are other ways "to get out there" that are more suited to introverts.
I have completely been in this situation. And the more worried I get about how antisocial I'm being, the more shy and unhappy I get, and then I just want to go home. I have no advice I'm afraid, just to say that there are lots of us out there!
Thanks guys, nice to know I'm not the only one, even though it feels like it when I'm at a party and EVERYONE else is chatting away confidently!
I'm not exactly a large party animal myself unless I've been doused in alcohol which I’m not a big fan of either. The funny thing is that shyness usually corresponds to how confidant you are with yourself. If you see yourself as a genuinely funny and interesting person, you’re more likely to go out there and initiate conversation. I remember a few years ago when I was right out of high school, I didn’t have a problem walking around a room and mingling because why wouldn’t anyone want to talk to me? Now I’m in a position where I’m constantly second guessing myself and what I’m about to say to make sure it’s appropriate for the social situation that I’m in. It’s really terrible because on off-days, even when I’m hanging around friends, I still think twice before saying anything to avoid the risk of sounding stupid.
I was reading this article in Psychology Today once about how introverts and extroverts have different wiring in their brains and how introverts should never try to be extroverts because it can cause visible distress. I take that into consideration because I’m definitely an introvert but I think we all have the capacity to become more interactive with the people we meet. We just need to be less self conscious before we go around attempting it.
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