I logged into eharmony this evening to find two matches have sent me open ended questions. One of them asks three interesting questions which will take a bit of thinking about, the other asks two which I can answer and a final one which is "What have you learned from past relationships?".
Soooooooo what answer to give? Lying feels plain wrong and I'm sure would be obvious. But is now the right time to say well actually I have had no past relationships? Is that a surefire way to make him run for the hills? Of the two guys he is the one I am less interested in but I'm not sure I want to close my options off, when there aren't that many of them in the first place.
8 comments:
Weeellll, he didn't specifically say romantic relationships? haha, I mean, you could put something in there about a friendship or a coworker, such as you've learned clear communication is absolutely necessary, and you wouldn't *technically* be lying, right?
Honestly, I have no idea what I would do either.
i think you should tell the truth. i always did when asked the generally token question of past relationships (which will come up eventually anyway if you date long enough). if he runs for the hills, then you know that he wasn't worth it any way.
Maybe you could say that you aren't comfortable answering that question at the moment, but would definitely like to do so sometime in the future? And say that in the meantime, you'd prefer to offer as substitute (per Anomylous) things you've learned from life in general that are applicable to romantic relationships?
Hi Katya,
I´m a 30+ single woman from Scandinavia. I just wanted to say that I always enjoy reading your blog! It´s amazing how you can totally relate to a person you don´t even know...
Sometimes, reading your thoughts, it´s like looking into my own mind! Thank´s for posting!
I too would like to have my own blog, and write about thees matters. I´m not sure however, whether or not to write in English (not my mother tongue, obviously!). I´m afraid of not being able to express my inner thoughts accurately. On the other hand, writing in English make you feel asort of kinship with people from all around the world...
All the best to you,
/NN
First off, so good to see you posting again and that you have gotten a second burst of enthusiasm for online dating. I'm currently trying it out on a free site and just looking at it as something fun and not giving it too much weight. Much more relaxing that way!
Anyways, to answer your question, I think that personally, if I was in your position, I'd tell the truth but be a little mysterious about it. I wish I could give a good example, but I'm rather tired at the moment and nothing good is coming into my mind. But something that lets him know you're kind of new to the dating scene without being so blunt about it. And then also add in stuff about non-romantic relationships. The reason why I think you should be honest about your romantic relationship past is that it will come out sooner or later, and you might as well start out relationships completely honest, yes?
Thanks for the comments all! Anomylous, I did wonder if I could get away with saying something about relationships with friends as the type of relationship wasn't mentioned, but I wonder if that might look like I'm avoiding the question (which of course I want to do...)
Jo - part of me is tempted to just go all out and tell the truth then at least it's done and if he has a problem with it better to find out now. But I don't know if I could write it down. I know I do on this blog but that seems somehow different.
30sv - good to "meet" you :) That might be a better way of putting it than just talking about other relationships.
~AV~ - if you think of a good example let me know! You're completely right, it will come out sooner or later and I do want to start out honest. I would prefer it came out later and that the question hadn't been asked so soon, but it has been so I need to answer it.
NN - thank you for the nice comment :) I often think that I'm reading my own thoughts as I read other blogs, I love having people I can relate to about this. I would encourage you to start your own blog, you're right about the sense of kinship and the support and advice from others in the blogworld is great. Maybe see how it goes writing it in English, and move to your mother tongue if there's things you can't express properly? We can always use Google translate to read you! :)
Maybe he's asking about a relationship with your sister... doubt it but that would have been nice and easy :)
If it were me, I'd probably find some way to turn it into a joke or make some sort of general comment about how the good ones are worth the wait.
Great blog. I always love discovering fellow virgins :)
Thanks for the compliment G/W :)
I have so far chickened out of responding (yes I'm a coward). I really need to sit down and think about what to say. I'm edging towards the not comfortable answering that at the moment answer, then telling the truth when the subject arises again.
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