I have just cancelled my e-harmony subscription, and surprise,surprise, after several months as a member, I am no closer to a relationship. If I'm honest, I don't think my heart was really in it. I didn't want to be the woman who had to resort to a dating website to find someone, and I was (and still am) not that confident about communicating with men I've never met, but who I have been matched with and therefore I am supposed to get to know. (I was also a bit annoyed by e-harmony auto renewing my subscription without asking me.)
My membership is paid until April 8th so I have just had a trawl through my matches and fired off a couple of responses and some questions. The guy who wanted to know what I had learnt from previous relationships appears to have closed communication so I didn't have to tackle that one. I actually felt more relaxed about answering the questions knowing that my membership is ending. I didn't spend ages deliberating over what to say and how, I just typed what I felt. I guess part of me is thinking that by the time they reply I may not be a member anymore so I won't be able to communicate with them.
I wonder if I might be more suited to a dating site where you pick the guys yourself and are not matched. Apart from the e-harmony matches mostly being awful, once I started communicating with people, I did feel a sort of pressure to get on with them. I'd been matched with them, they were possibly interested in me, therefore they were a potential boyfriend, if that makes sense. Maybe I wouldn't feel that on site where there is no matching?
I'm not sure where else other than online I am going to meet anyone. I am still swimming, but it's a solitary activity, I go out once a week most weeks with my ex-housemate the Scientist, and two of her friends, but it's not the sort of evening where you meet new people. I do have a new housemate who I guess may have friends I could meet, but then again I have known my current male housemate for over a year and I have never met a single friend or family member of his.
In other parts of life, things are good. I am getting on well in my new job and am working with a great bunch of people. It is about to get very busy and probably pretty stressful but it will hopefully be an enjoyable challenge.
I visited my old town a few weeks ago and spent time with E and A, and am meeting T this week to go a concert. T and I have a lot of things planned for this year, including holidays and more concerts, and I am so glad I have her as most of these things I wouldn't really want to do on my own. I really hope that if she stops being single she will still have time for me. I am fairly sure she will have. Talking of people who are no longer single, my best friend (who is married) and I are going to see a show together next month. It's something we used to do fairly often years ago and I'm really looking forward to it. As she said herself, it will be just like old times.
6 comments:
Sounds like we both cancelled our eHarmony accounts for the same reason.
You know what sucks, though? I'm actually seriously considering going back -- God knows why.
I just feel like I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place because online dating didn't work, but striking out on my own and waiting for "fate" to intervene isn't working either.
I sort of wish that the universe would provide me with a handbook so I could see how all of this will eventually turn out. (Not that I'm naive enough to believe that once I find someone, I'll have a happy ending.)
it's great that other areas in your life are good. it's always nice to do stuff with friends. but it's also true that once they (or even you) get attached, it's just not really possible to hang out as much. if you want to give online dating another shot, you could try other sites where there isn't any matching. i understand where you're coming from bout feeling pressured and as though you have to meet this expectation to find a boyfriend among the guys you've been matched with.
I have tried internet dating too and I find it weird. It's very clinical - everyone sifting through tons of profiles trying to find someone who fits their idea of what a partner should be. I am saying this as someone who has had very limited success in the 'real' world of dating, but I genuinely think that the best relationships develop out of friendship, or at least out of getting to know each other face to face. I don't know, there's just something so odd about hunting people down online. x
Thanks for the comments all.
Ecrivain - I'm not considering re-joining yet, but I did find about 3 guys on there straight after I cancelled who I found both physically attractive and interesting, which briefly made me think, what if one of them is perfect for me? I know what you mean about a rock and a hard place. I've spent years waiting for fate to intervene, living similar lifestyles to my friends, watching them find someone and failing to myself, I've tried a dating agency, and now online dating. What is there left???
Jo - I am very glad other parts of my life are going well. If I didn't have friends to have fun with and make plans with I think I'd be pretty miserable. Still thinking about whether I want to give a different dating site a shot.
Poppy - I know what you mean about hunting someone down online, it does seem not quite natural, and I was quit wary of it. However, for the past 18+ years I've said to myself at the end of each year "maybe next year is the one when I'll find a boyfriend" and every year it hasn't happened and I just got to the point where I thought if it isn't happening in the "normal" way then I need to try something else. I would love nothing more than to meet a guy in real life, get to know him, become friends with him and have it develop into a relationship but as it hasn't happened so far, I'm not all optimistic it ever will.
I've never tried internet dating but I did walk into the community center with a friend to ask about their once-a-month speed dating. There was so much about it in the media that we figured we'd go in for some fun. We were told by the receptionist to try again in ten years... in nicer terms of course but she basically just laid it out. We're 21 and the men are mostly 40.
Anyhow, I'm not too sure how old you are but it might be an option you could look into?
Have you tried partner dancing? Not quite most, but many of my friends have found their boy/girlfriends or spouses that way. Obviously I haven't, but ballroom has done wonders for my confidence. I'm still a shy introvert, but considerably less than before.
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