First things first, the latest with the guy from eharmony. I mailed him when I got back from my weekend away and suggested some evenings when I am free to meet. He replied last night and is busy this weekend, but can do next Tuesday.
Which means I may have a date next Tuesday. Crap. I've only been on two dates in my life and neither was a success. I have too many things to think about, too many decisions to make. He asked where I want to meet. He lives in a town about a 15 minute train ride from my city, so I need to decide whether we meet here or there. If here, I have no idea where we would go. I don't eat out here very often so don't know the best places to go, and the only pubs and bars I know I risk bumping into people I know. So there may be easier.
And what does one wear on a midweek date? Hell, what does one wear on a date full stop? I'm a casual, jeans and a t-shirt or jumper or hoodie kind of girl. Do I stick with jeans but dress up my top half? Do I dress up my top and bottom halves?
If he doesn't suggest what we could do, what should I suggest? Dinner? Or is it too presumptuous to assume he'll want to spend money on dinner, even just his own? If we do go to dinner, do I pay for myself? With female friends I pretty much always do, with male friends I always try to, but the offer is sometimes refused. Should I get out my money when the bill comes and see what he says? I'm sure there will be more questions before Tuesday.
Away from date stress, I had a great weekend at the wedding. It was lovely to be in a different part of the country for a few days and to see friends, the wedding service was lovely, I ate well at the wedding breakfast (and for the rest of the weekend), I danced lots and may have drunk a little too much.
The only downside was a couple of queries about my relationship status. One was from a female ex-colleague who asked "are you single?" over dinner with the girls on the Friday evening. I said yes, still single and tried to laugh it off, mumbling something about working with mostly women and unattractive men. There was a bit of an awkward silence and in truth I felt quite embarrassed to be having to tell her that I was still single. She's never known me to be anything else. On the evening of the wedding, during the disco, a male ex-colleague asked if I was seeing anyone and again I had to say no, and wondered if he thought I was a freak, or a lesbian.
I did feel a bit down on my way home. I had said goodbye to the bride and groom the day after the wedding and they were off on honeymoon together. The colleague who asked if I was single drove home to her husband and children. E and A took me to the station to catch my train, and then went off together. And I travelled home alone and came back to an empty house.
A busy time at work has taken my mind off things since, until today. It seems T has a guy a work who has been flirting with her and may be interested in her. She says she's smiled more today than she has in months. I'm happy for her but I am also wondering how this is happening for her a couple of months after starting the job and only a week or two after meeting him. I've been in my new job well over a year and nothing, nobody. Yes I know it is a terribly cliched way for an eternally single person to feel but I can't help it.
5 comments:
does your job require you to be in office attire? normally with a midweek date, i tend to go for the somewhat feminine office chic look. so perhaps a dress or pants and a nice top.
i like to think that usually the guy knows that with a midweek date, it's dinner since you've both come out from work and need to eat. at least it gives you something to do if the date doesn't go too well and there's awkward silence. i always let the guy pay first and when the bill is taken away to be processed, i ask how much i owe him. it's my way of offering to pay my share so as to not take him for granted. try not to worry and just have fun :)
Thanks for the advice Jo :) I do have to wear office type clothes for work, but what I wear is probably a bit too office-y/a bit dowdy. I do have nice trousers anf tops that I think would work though.
I think I will definitely try to make it a dinner date. The thought of staring into a drink with no idea what to say next terrifies me!
I agree with Jo.
Dress business casual -- something you would wear heading into the office.
Meet somewhere in the middle and research -- what do you feel like having? Find a restaurant you'd like to try out and ask him where he'd like to meet. Usually, people don't know. The guy who comes with a game plan automatically gets bonus points in my mind because it's annoying when the guy doesn't even give your first date some thought. But if he doesn't, then at least you'll have a place in mind and you'll avoid sounding equally bad by saying, "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"
Prepare to pay for your share. If he offers to pay, be gracious about it and just say thanks and offer to get the next one if you like him.
As for other women asking if you're single -- don't feel bad about it. You're out there dating...It might not feel like it, but you're putting yourself out there...so it's the truth when you answer, "Just dating around right now. Haven't found the right one to settle down with yet."
Perhaps you could grab coffee and go for a walk? I think the constantly changing surroundings can help suggest conversational topics. Also, it can feel quite natural to fall into a sort of pensive silence.
I totally feel you on the returning to an empty home. :hug:
All the best on Tuesday! I'm sure you'll have a good time. :)
If this was a daytime date then I think I'd definitely go woth the coffee followed by a walk scenario. I did that in London on one of the other two dates I've been on, and although the guy wasn't for me, it did help that the surroundings kept changing.
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