Belle's comment raised an interesting point. Is T the one who has been using me? Well, as I said in my comment, I really don't think so. She has her issues and has had her problems over the past couple of years and that is what is prompting her behaviour, rather than her using me.
Though I don't feel I have been used, it is true to say that the friendship has been a bit lopsided in the last couple of years. She's been the one who was pretty much falling apart, she's been the one needing support, she's been the one who has needed to lean on me. I have had some family things going in recent months which she has been supportive about, and before all her problems began she supported me through some (less serious) problems of my own.
I know that at some point in the future if I need to lean on her she will be there for me. I guess the nature of friendship is that there are ups and downs, that there will be times where one person needs more from the other, and is perhaps less able to give, but it's likely that over the years roles will reverse and the person who was giving the support will become the one who needs it, and will be given it.
T did get back in touch with me a few days ago, via a short but perfectly friendly email. A couple of emails when back and forth between us, and we spoke on the phone a couple of days later. Without going into too much lengthy detail, things have been going very badly at the job she moved to a few months ago, and she has been feeling angry and upset. I think it was a combination of that and her lack of self esteem making her feel second best which triggered her use people comment to me. In our phone conversation the friendship felt as if it was back to "normal". The anger which was in her email was certainly no longer there.
I haven't seen her in person yet but when I do I think I do need to find a suitable moment to talk about her behaviour towards me. I understand her feelings about work and that sometimes she feels a need to disappear but I do wish she would tell me before just disappearing. And if the use people comment was because she felt insecure/jealous that I was planning something with another friend then she needs to learn to accept that I have other friends.
3 comments:
i don't know if T is really the one using you or not. i guess you would be the best judge of that and if you really don't think so then that's fine. afterall it's only a real problem if you feel like it is and you are being used.
but that said, i stand by my case that she does use emotional blackmail and the fact that she's now seemingly back to normal makes me wonder as well if she's slightly volatile and bipolar. you really do need to talk to her properly and thrash this out. everyone has their bad days but she can't be off saying hurtful things to other people (in this case, you) and expecting them to be so understanding all the time. at some point it's not called being understanding, it's called being a pushover. and i think you're at that stage where you're a bit tired of having to be at the receiving end and putting up with all of that.
I completely agree with Jo.
So uh...what happened to you? =(
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