As I said in my last post I haven’t admitted it to anyone, not even really to myself, that there’s someone I think I might sort of like. I think Ecrivain’s comment about how not acknowledging something makes it easier to deal with was spot on.
In this situation I think that I’ve been trying to ignore what I might be feeling, because then I can just carry on treating him as a friendly colleague, and I don't have to worry about dealing with the myriad of stresses that go with liking someone, such as hiding my feelings for fear of making a fool out of myself. I'm not sure quite how it works, because after all the feelings are still there even if you ignore them, but it does seem to, to a certain extent at least.
Anyway, the guy in question is G, the one from work who regularly wanders into my office to chat (and I think I’ll nickname him Chatty Guy as it seems more suitable to his personality than just G). He’s worked within my department for a couple of years, but it’s only really since earlier this year that he’s been visiting my office to chat. I’ve always thought he was a fairly good looking guy, and the more he’s chatted to me, the more I’ve thought I quite like his personality too. There’s no spectacular fireworks going on, but we chat and joke and get on (I don’t really expect or want fireworks anyway. None of my friends who are in happy relationships have had that so I don’t feel it’s at all essential).
When I first starting realising the possibility that I might like him a couple of months ago, I confess I did spent a short amount of time thinking about whether he might be interested in me and came up with a mental list of reasons to think he is and reasons to think he isn’t.
The reasons to think he is were:
- He visits my office regularly to chat to me, and specifically me
- He often stays for so long that even though I like talking to him I start thinking he should go in case my colleagues think he’s taking up too much of my time
- He jokes around with me and teases me a fair bit. A lot actually.
The reasons to think he’s not were:
- He tends to talk about himself and things he’s up to, rather than asking about me and my life (I have read that some men talk at length about themselves if they’re nervous speaking to a woman but the pessimist in me doesn’t really believe that)
- He jokes around with a lot of people, and teases his female friends on a social networking site
- He’s turned down invites from me to go out for a drink/meal with me and a couple of other colleagues (although he has come along to a couple of group things which I'd forgotten all about when I said I'd never seen him outside work). If he was interested wouldn’t he take every opportunity to spend time with me?
- He mentions that other women are “hot” to me and to other men in front of me
- He hasn’t asked me out...
On balance I concluded he wasn’t interested and stuck to not admitting how I thought I might feel. It seemed to work and I’ve carried on chatting to him since in a friendly way, without feeling any stress and without engaging in any over analysis of his behaviour.
It was the department’s Christmas dinner the other evening. He was there and nothing happened to change what I’d already decided. I had hoped that I would get chance to chat to him, outside of the office, and that I might be able to gauge whether I’d reached the right conclusion, but the opportunity never arose. There were some group conversations, but I didn’t get to speak to him one on one.
He did carry on with the teasing. And I did get hold of his mobile phone number, given to me by one of our other colleagues so I could check his whereabouts. The evening itself was quite pleasant but I did wake up the following morning feeling just a little disappointed.
I’m not entirely sure what, if anything, to do next. I could just carry on ignoring how I might feel so I don’t have to deal with it, especially as I don’t think there’s any chance with him. I could admit it properly to myself and attempt to give him some of my far too subtle I’m-interested-in-you signs (which probably need to be a little less subtle) and see if I get any back. Or I could mention it to my friend E, as she knows both of us and might be able to give an objective opinion on his interest or lack of it.
2 comments:
is he single? 'coz i once had this office eye candy who would always come round to chat with me and all that but since he was attached i knew he couldn't be interested. he wound up getting married mid this year.
but that said, you never know. i would say if he's single (or if you wanna find out if he is), you could give some of your subtle i'm-interested-in-you signs and see what happens. though really, it's not like i'm the best authority on men haha! all the best!!
Thanks for the advice! Yeah, he's single, which is something I guess. I think I will try giving some signs, after all nothing ventured, nothing gained and as you say, you never know.
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