After a lot of procrastination I finally got round to completing my e-harmony questionnaire last night. I thought there was just one question to go but there were several and when I finished I only had time to have a brief look at my first 7 matches. I also hadn't paid to join so couldn't see any photos. My initial impression was that most of the matches seemed like nice guys.
I have this evening just paid for a 6 month subscription and can now see the photos of yesterday's matches and some more added today. Seeing the photos has been an interesting experience, and has got me to thinking about whether I am shallow and overly concerned with looks. A small number of the guys I looked at and thought, mmm not bad looking, not quite Brad Pitt, but not bad. The rest I really wasn't sure about. A couple I looked at and thought, no way, I don't think I would ever be able to find him attractive . One had long, greasy looking hair, seemed to be fairly overweight and generally, to me at least, looked like the stereotype of someone who spends all hours of the day and night computer gaming (a horrendous pre-judgement I know). One of his aims was to become a professional poker player which kind of put me off too.
My feelings about the rest were that they were "normal", "ordinary" looking, that I wasn't repulsed and that maybe attraction could grow. One common link between a number of them was that they looked so old! And really, they're not. They're aged from about 35 to 40. I think my problem here is that I forget that I am actually 35 (had a birthday last month) and therefore not terribly young myself. I may feel no different to when I was 18, but I do look different. I probably need to accept that I'm not going to end up with a gorgeous, young twenty-something. However, comparing the e-harmony guys to men I know who are a similar age, some of the e-harmony ones do look so much older. I'm sure my feelings on this are not helped by the fact that A, my last "crush" (and still my friend), is in his twenties.
I do generally think that compatability is more important that having a high level of attraction. However, I think I would need to at least think that attraction was possible.
So what to do next? I ought to be brave and make contact with some of these guys. I will probably read their profiles again and choose the ones which I am most interested in, then assuming I am not repulsed by their photo, I will contact them. Eharmony does have something called guided communication which may make things easier as you apparently don't just go straight to sending long messages.
Part of me is very nervous about all of this, and actually I do feel a little sick at the thought of what happens next. Might someone contact me? What expectations might they have? If I contact someone might they reject me? And of course that old chestnut, how do I explain my lack of relationship history? I also am not sure of some of my answers to the questionnaire - I had to list must haves and can't haves in a partner but with no experience I just had to guess what would be a must have for me.
Of course, it is entirely possible that I will go back into procrastination mode and not bother to contact anyone, but I will try very hard to avoid that.
4 comments:
i'm glad that you're taking the plunge. though i do get the apprehension with online dating (and frankly i myself claim that i don't really like it 'coz it seems like admitting a defeat on my part to meet men the "normal" way), i maintain that it's good way to meet people you may never have met in your usual course of life. it also gives you more practice in dating. and they say practice makes perfect right? so just see what happens and have fun!
Thank Jo, I'll try to have fun in between the nerves! And practice at dating is something I really do need more of!
Yay! Someone else who is on eHarmony! We can trade notes now!
Here's something I've quickly learned: if a guy looks at your profile but doesn't either take the plunge to send you either an icebreaker or questions but also doesn't close communication is probably not a paying member yet.
I had that happen to me a couple of times. Two guys I was really interested in, they kept looking at my profile but never made a move.
Knowing (now) that they're not paying members has made me feel better...I thought it was just weird.
Also, I'd recommend just sending a communication to any guy who piques your interest. What's the worse that can happen? If he's not interested, then at least you'll know. However, if he is interested, then at least you have the option of getting to know him better and seeing how things pan out.
I'm really excited for you! And update more often!!
Thanks for the advice Ecrivain :)It will be good to have someone to trade note with! I think I already came across the bizarreness of their physcial matching that you mentioned on your last post. Do they really think these guys are a good match??
I just sent off first questions to someone! And I'm about to trawl through the rest of my matches and do the same to anyone else who seems interesting. You're right, the worst that can happen is they're not interested, and I think I am way past being worried or upset by that (at this stage at least). And I figure the more guys I communicate with, the more chance I have of clicking with one of them.
I promise will be trying to update more often, been a mix of busy and lazy recently, plus not had much blogworthy material.
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