I just realised that my last post talks about my friend Sociable Guy inviting everyone he knows when he’s going out for a drink, and I thought isn’t that what I’m looking for, a way to meet new people? So why don’t I accept every invitation that comes my way from him?
I do accept some of his invites and over time have met a good number of his friends. They’ve all seemed nice but there hasn’t been anyone I’ve really clicked with or wanted to get to know better. When I go out with him now and his friends are there, I’ve generally met most of them already so the source of new people to meet has pretty much dried up anyway.
Also, I am not very good at all at speaking up in a large group of people, especially if I don’t know them very well. I’m that person in the corner who sits there and says nothing, while the conversation flows on without me and everyone else contributes insightful comments and chips in with witty one-liners. I can’t see anyone deciding that the quiet one in the corner is the one they want to know better.
I find it a little easier to talk to people in a smaller group, but if I don’t know them well (or at all) it’s still quite difficult and I still feel uncomfortable. There are those awkward pauses while I try to think of something to say and in an effort to say something I sometimes say pointless, stupid things.
I am a slightly more successful at one-to-one conversations, mainly because if I do say something idiotic, or am stuck for words, there’s only one person witnessing it, rather than a little group. It sort of lessens the embarrassment factor.
I will keep accepting the invitations if they arrive in one of my more confident moments. I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by refusing them all, because you never know, one day there may be a new person there who I do click with. At the moment it just seems like one more “activity”, along with classes and clubs, where I’ve unsuccessfully met new people.
The thought does occur that I’m being somewhat fussy and picky about this – “I want to meet new people and make new friends...but not like that...I couldn’t make friends at that sort of event....I’ve tried that, it didn’t work”. But any analysis of that will turn this into a very lengthy post. Another time maybe. I need to go and buy wine to go with lunch.
4 comments:
I'm better one-on-one, too -- it's funny, but, my best friend thinks she's unsociable, but the reality is, she's more at ease around other people than I am, and whenever we used to meet people together, I'd see how people were drawn to her...but I was always the one who maintained actual friendships beyond that first meet-and-greet.
I think it's good that you're going to continue to meet people through your other friend. Who knows where it will lead...and if anything, at least it keeps you from feeling isolated. (I hope.)
Meeting people (or at least trying to) through my friend does keep me from feeling isolated. even though I can find it uncomfortable being around so many people, I know it's something I need to keep doing.
I think your skill of being able to maintain friendships is a valuable one to have. Being the sort of person who others are drawn too would I'm sure be great, but if you can't actually develop the friendship and keep it going you're surely just going to end up with a bunch of acquaintances,but no real friends.
oh wait... now i think it works... go figure...
anyhow what i wanted to say (if you didn't already get like 50 of my same comments before haha!) is that i think i'm better in a small group or one-on-one as well. unless i'm really feeling the group, i can get "lost" in big groups and be happy to just listen and laugh and not really contribute anything.
but i think it's good that you're meeting new friends through your current friends and you should continue to do that. you never know what that might lead to...
Jo - only one comment arrived! Lost in a big group is definitely me. I also tend to think that every other person in the group is feeling comfortable with it, which makes me feel worse about not joining in, even though it's probably not true.
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