My future self?

I spent a few hours at the shops today, mainly on the seemingly never ending search for a pair of jeans that fit perfectly. Just as I was standing in yet another fitting room wearing yet another not quite right pair I got a call from a guy friend.

He’s probably the most sociable person I know. Actually he’s probably the most sociable person I’ve ever met in my whole life. He loves going out, being with people and meeting new people and if he’s going out for a drink he’ll often invite pretty much everyone he knows. I prefer to see friends one-on-one or in a small group where I know everyone, so I don’t always feel comfortable at his gatherings. I get on well with him though and we’re going to arrange to meet up next weekend. Plans for two weekends in a row! Must be all that complaining I did...

My friendship with Sociable Guy gives me hope that I will find someone one day. He seems to find me interesting and worth spending time with, and says that I’m lovely (usually after a few drinks, but hey, a compliment is a compliment), that I really shouldn’t be single and that I need to find a man. I figure that if he finds me interesting enough to want to be friends with me, then surely there’s someone out there who will find me interesting and attractive enough to want to date me. I finished the call feeling quite cheered.

About an hour later I was waiting in the queue at the supermarket checkout and was watching an older woman on her own (about in her 70s) pack and pay for her food. And that prompted the thought: That’s me in 40 years. I was standing there having visions of me at that age, still single, shopping alone, going home to eat alone. I felt a little sense of panic.

Of course I had no idea whether the woman even was single. She had no wedding ring, but that might not mean anything. A husband might have been at home. She might have been widowed. Even if she was single she might have had a very active and happy life.

I always feel a little sad when I see lone older people, men or women, buying just enough food for one, counting out what looks like their last few coins to pay. Mostly I don’t relate it to myself, I just wonder what their story is and feel sad. I always hope that, no matter what their circumstances now, they’ve had a good life and that they have family and friends who love them.

I’m going to try to keep the cheery feeling I got after the call from Sociable Guy, and forget about the old lady future self panic.

Oh, and I did eventually find a pair of jeans. Not quite a perfect fit, but pretty good.