And if your way should falter, along the stony pass...

It's been a hectic few weeks, mostly unrelated to online dating. I have been away from home for the last three weekends and will be next weekend two,which has left me tired, but I have had some wonderful times with friends.

Weekend 1 I was away watching a U2 concert with T. We both loved it, so much so that we decided to try to get tickets for the following weekend at a different venue. We managed to get some, plus somewhere to stay so had a rather short notice weekend 2 away. The concert was even better than the first (better atmosphere, better crowd, felt more intimate) and we both came away as huge fans, whereas prior to seeing them live I would have described us as casual fans. We loved the "classics" but didn't know too much else. Now I am having to stop myself from trying to tell everyone I talk to about how great they were - I'm sure I have detected a few glazed looks.

Weekend 3 I visited my best friend for a couple of days, then had a day out with E and A which involved a gallery, lunch, a beach, paddling in the sea and more food. This weekend coming I am visiting T for her birthday. I don't think I've had this many busy weekends in a row for years, but I'm not complaining, it's been a really great few weeks.

On the dating front, I am still communicating with Scarf Guy. We've both sent some really long messages so I feel I am getting to know a fair bit about him. I know some of you have suggested I meet him as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry, but I think as he is the first one, I am happy with the long messages, then maybe a phone call before meeting in person. The messages are giving me practice at just communicating with a potential date. I'm ok at talking to male friends, but the potential date aspect makes me very nervous. I hope by the time we meet (assuming we do) I will feel as if I "know" him, will have things to talk about with him and will feel more relaxed with him. That's the theory anyway.

No more word from Bermuda Man so I think he's no. Two more guys have responded, a teacher who I'll call The Teacher, and a guy with a rather nice smile, who I find most attractive of the three. I also have a mountain of matches to wade through and either reject or contact. I haven't really been checking my account much recently. I will keep you posted of any developments.

Just a word on the title of this, it's a U2 lyric that I love, from a song written about/to Michael Hutchence after his suicide. It, and the rest of the song, have been popping into my head a lot recently, and I love the sentiment of it, that no matter how bad things may feel right now, it will pass, and it will get better. I have couple of people in my life who I have needed to say that to recently and in one case I emailed a link to the song. It felt a soppy thing to do, but also completely appropriate. There are some things that songs, poems etc can express better than I ever could.

The Friday afternoon question

You know one thing I really hate about Fridays at work? It’s that moment towards the end of the afternoon when a colleague pipes up “so what’s everyone doing at the weekend?” in such an enthusiastic manner that you just feel she’s only asking so she can proceed to tell you all about what exciting things she and her boyfriend will be doing.

Do you know what colleague? I don’t want to know what you’re doing this weekend. I don’t want to hear about the party you’re going to or your trip to the theatre. I don’t want to listen to the long list of what you have planned.
Hearing it reminds me of what I wish I was doing and of what I assume everyone else but me is doing (even though I know they’re probably not).

So I don’t want to know. If I did, I would have asked you. But as I didn’t ask, please don’t insist on telling me.

And I don’t want to tell you that I’m not really doing anything. I don’t want you to know that I have no party to go to. I don’t want to say that my list of plans mostly consists of sitting around alone in front of the TV.

Verbalising it reminds me of how it will be and somehow makes it more real. By the same token if I don’t say it out loud, maybe it won’t happen. I know that doesn’t make any sense. What it boils down to though is: I don’t want to tell you, so please don’t ask.

She is in essence a nice person and I wish she hadn’t brought on this little rant. I feel I’m being horrible and bitter. It’s just that I hate, hate, hate that damn question.