Today has been a slightly strange day. It was much busier than a normal Friday because I have a lot of things I need to complete at work before I leave. For a lot of the day I was also worrying about my friend T, who I had an email from yesterday. The older guy at her work continues to treat her badly and she‘s not taking it well. She seems to be very depressed, and I think I really need to persuade her to get professional help. I really hope I can talk her into it.
Earlier this evening I was at work a little later than usual, and as I sat alone in the office Chatty Guy walked past, did a double take, then wandered in. I expected him to say hi, ask why I was there so late then disappear, but he sat himself down and we chatted for about 20 minutes. I could’ve kicked myself after he’d left though, because I had an opportunity to spend a bit more time with him and didn’t take it. He’s considering moving into the same complex of flats I live in and said he hadn’t seen the inside of one yet. At that point I should’ve said he was welcome to drop in to mine and take a look, but I didn’t. I thought it, but I stupidly didn’t say it. Maybe I’ll get a chance to do so on Monday.
There’s part of me that wishes that if he isn’t interested he would just stop being quite so friendly. It makes it very difficult for me to tell whether he’s just being friendly or if there’s something more to it. I guess that’s just how society is nowadays though, with men and women often being genuinely just friends, with no expectation of anything else. In the past he might only have approached me if he was interested, but now....who knows who’s interested and who’s not. I have male friends, and he has female friends, so it’s actually normal for us to be as we are with each other.
I spent the rest of the evening sorting through cupboards and throwing things away, or having a good clear out as my family would say. I couldn’t believe the sort of things I’d hoarded. Random birthday and Christmas cards with no particular significance, years old job rejection letters, and all sorts of hand written notes relating to job hunting 11 years ago. I seem to have kept drafts of almost every application letter I ever sent. It was interesting and a little poignant to read them now, to see how I sold myself then, what my hopes were for my future career, what I wanted to do with my life.
My life certainly hasn’t gone the way I hoped it would back then, but there have been interesting times, I’ve learnt a lot, seen some of the world and I’ve made some great friends. There is of course the whole never had boyfriend thing, which I definitely did not expect to still be true all this time later, and which is the aspect of my life I’m most unhappy with. However, the forthcoming new job and home are taking my mind off that at the moment.
A few colleagues at work have made comments about maybe finding myself a man when I move, which I think indicates that I’m seen as the eternally single woman at my workplace. Some people have said change begets change, which I suppose can be true, but I’m not that hopeful. If it hasn’t happened so far in the various places I’ve lived, why would it just because I moved and started a new job? I will though make the effort to put myself out there. I’ll do classes and clubs and generally try to meet people as I won’t know anyone. One advantage I do have is that I am more confident now than I was when I first moved to my current town. I’m still essentially shy, but I can make conversation (sort of) and I’m not scared to walk into a class or club alone.
We shall see.
Showing posts with label Chatty Guy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chatty Guy. Show all posts
Friday, 9 January 2009
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
So much to do
I’ve been a little AWOL from blogging over the past couple of weeks, partly due to travelling for Christmas and New Year, partly due to being busy getting ready to move to my new job and city.
I spent Christmas with my family in another part of the country, and as there were only three of us on the actual day it was a quiet one. Also the family issues which started at the end of last year are ongoing so my dad wasn’t as happy as he could have been. Still, it was good to see them and to visit various other relatives who live in the same area.
New Year was spent with my best friend and her family, again in a different part of the country. As she has two young children New Year’s Eve didn’t involve any partying but it was fun nonetheless, spent at home chatting, drinking wine and playing cards (wow, I really know how to party don’t I?).
I then spent the final couple of days off work looking for a home in my new city. I decided to find a room in a shared house to give me a chance to get to know the various areas of the city before committing to my own place. It also means I will immediately know at least some people, which will hopefully mean I can do a bit of socialising and maybe meet others. I saw a few places, some ok, some that I would have hated to live in (dirty house, awful area of the city), but quite quickly found one I really liked and I have taken it. It’s in a pleasant area, the house feels homely, my room is a good size and my new housemates seem friendly.
I’ll be moving there and starting the new job later this month. I’m really quite excited about moving, especially now I’ve found a home and hope it will be the change I need. I’m also nervous, about moving to a new place where I don’t know anyone and about starting a new job for the first time in a long time.
I spent a lovely evening at the weekend with E and A, who’ve now moved in together. They’ve already said they’ll come and visit me and have invited me to come back here and visit them. I’m very much going to miss them and it will be very strange not seeing them regularly, but I know I’m not going to lose them as friends.
Chatty Guy is still, well, chatty. He made a comment today about getting me drunk at my leaving drinks/dinner, but it sounded like a general “we’ll all get you drunk” so I’m not reading anything into that (or maybe I am or I wouldn’t be writing about it?).
I have a lot of finishing up in my current job, clearing out, packing and saying goodbye to friends to do over the next few weeks, and I think it will probably turn out to be quite an emotional time.
I spent Christmas with my family in another part of the country, and as there were only three of us on the actual day it was a quiet one. Also the family issues which started at the end of last year are ongoing so my dad wasn’t as happy as he could have been. Still, it was good to see them and to visit various other relatives who live in the same area.
New Year was spent with my best friend and her family, again in a different part of the country. As she has two young children New Year’s Eve didn’t involve any partying but it was fun nonetheless, spent at home chatting, drinking wine and playing cards (wow, I really know how to party don’t I?).
I then spent the final couple of days off work looking for a home in my new city. I decided to find a room in a shared house to give me a chance to get to know the various areas of the city before committing to my own place. It also means I will immediately know at least some people, which will hopefully mean I can do a bit of socialising and maybe meet others. I saw a few places, some ok, some that I would have hated to live in (dirty house, awful area of the city), but quite quickly found one I really liked and I have taken it. It’s in a pleasant area, the house feels homely, my room is a good size and my new housemates seem friendly.
I’ll be moving there and starting the new job later this month. I’m really quite excited about moving, especially now I’ve found a home and hope it will be the change I need. I’m also nervous, about moving to a new place where I don’t know anyone and about starting a new job for the first time in a long time.
I spent a lovely evening at the weekend with E and A, who’ve now moved in together. They’ve already said they’ll come and visit me and have invited me to come back here and visit them. I’m very much going to miss them and it will be very strange not seeing them regularly, but I know I’m not going to lose them as friends.
Chatty Guy is still, well, chatty. He made a comment today about getting me drunk at my leaving drinks/dinner, but it sounded like a general “we’ll all get you drunk” so I’m not reading anything into that (or maybe I am or I wouldn’t be writing about it?).
I have a lot of finishing up in my current job, clearing out, packing and saying goodbye to friends to do over the next few weeks, and I think it will probably turn out to be quite an emotional time.
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Changes
This past week has been rather eventful, a little stressful, but quite exciting. I had the interview midweek and immediately afterwards I wasn’t sure how it had gone. Some questions I felt I answered well, others I thought I could have answered more fully, and for a few I wasn’t sure my answers were very articulate.
They said they wanted to make a quick decision and would let me know one way or the other later that day, or the next. I received a call right at the end of the working day. I fully expected it to be a “thank you for coming to the interview, we decided someone else was more suitable” type call.
It wasn’t. They offered me the job, and asked me to decide whether to accept by the following day. I think I was probably in shock for the rest of the evening, and was slightly panicked about the extra responsibility the job entails.
I had already arranged to meet E and A and another friend for a drink and when I told them the news they were hugely excited for me and told me that I absolutely had to accept and that I can definitely do the job. They’re right on both counts: I can do the job, extra responsibility and all, and I would kick myself if I rejected the offer and found myself still stuck in my current job and going nowhere in a year’s time.
I’m now negotiating my notice period and will need to find somewhere to live in the new city. The next couple of months are going to be very busy and probably quite stressful, but I am fine with that because the flipside is that some of the change I need is coming sooner than I ever expected.
As for Chatty Guy, there is nothing much to say. He’s been his usual self and I’ve been too preoccupied with interview thoughts to try any flirting. He joined a few of us for drinks Friday night, which was fun, but it did just feel like drinks with friends. I’m really not sure there is anything there, from his side anyway. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to keep blogging about him, especially if it’s the same “I tried flirting, nothing happened” scenarios each time. I suspect it might just send me into over-analysis mode, which is the last thing I want or need.
They said they wanted to make a quick decision and would let me know one way or the other later that day, or the next. I received a call right at the end of the working day. I fully expected it to be a “thank you for coming to the interview, we decided someone else was more suitable” type call.
It wasn’t. They offered me the job, and asked me to decide whether to accept by the following day. I think I was probably in shock for the rest of the evening, and was slightly panicked about the extra responsibility the job entails.
I had already arranged to meet E and A and another friend for a drink and when I told them the news they were hugely excited for me and told me that I absolutely had to accept and that I can definitely do the job. They’re right on both counts: I can do the job, extra responsibility and all, and I would kick myself if I rejected the offer and found myself still stuck in my current job and going nowhere in a year’s time.
I’m now negotiating my notice period and will need to find somewhere to live in the new city. The next couple of months are going to be very busy and probably quite stressful, but I am fine with that because the flipside is that some of the change I need is coming sooner than I ever expected.
As for Chatty Guy, there is nothing much to say. He’s been his usual self and I’ve been too preoccupied with interview thoughts to try any flirting. He joined a few of us for drinks Friday night, which was fun, but it did just feel like drinks with friends. I’m really not sure there is anything there, from his side anyway. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to keep blogging about him, especially if it’s the same “I tried flirting, nothing happened” scenarios each time. I suspect it might just send me into over-analysis mode, which is the last thing I want or need.
Friday, 12 December 2008
Complete novice
I’m not sure if my giving I’m-interested-in-you signs to Chatty Guy is going that well. I sent a global email about Secret Santa presents to a few people during the week, and he replied (the only one to do so) in a slightly cheeky way asking if I could get his gift for him. A few emails then went back and forth between us, friendly and jokey, but not really flirty.
Then the other evening I was checking a couple of messages on a social networking site and noticed that he was logged in too. I spent a while wondering whether to make some sort of contact, and finally plucked up the courage to start a chat with him. I then spent an anxious couple of minutes staring at the screen waiting for him to reply, and thinking that maybe I’d scared him off. He did reply though and we chatted for a bit. Again, nothing particularly flirty, but I guess at least I managed to initiate the chat, he didn’t ignore me and it did last for longer than one message each.
I feel like such a novice at all of this. Other women seem to be naturally able to flirt with men they like or to somehow let them know they’re interested, while I’m spending ages trying to work out what I should do and how I should act, and then attempting to put that into practice.
Should it just come naturally? Should I just know how to show a guy I’m interested? Will I get better at it with experience? Or are all those experienced flirty women actually working very hard to do and say the right things and underneath it all feeling exactly the same as me?
I’ve actually searched the internet for tips on how to show someone I like them, but there is a part of me that feels that doing things such as deliberately amending your body language because a website suggested it is a little false. Although obviously not doing such things hasn’t got me anywhere so far, so maybe I need to give it a go.
On a completely different note I had a notification from the social networking site which was amusing in a perverse kind of way. An old schoolfriend of mine, who I haven’t seen for at least 16 years, answered a question about me in a quiz.
The question was “Do you think [my full name] is still a virgin?”
Her answer was no.
If only.
Then the other evening I was checking a couple of messages on a social networking site and noticed that he was logged in too. I spent a while wondering whether to make some sort of contact, and finally plucked up the courage to start a chat with him. I then spent an anxious couple of minutes staring at the screen waiting for him to reply, and thinking that maybe I’d scared him off. He did reply though and we chatted for a bit. Again, nothing particularly flirty, but I guess at least I managed to initiate the chat, he didn’t ignore me and it did last for longer than one message each.
I feel like such a novice at all of this. Other women seem to be naturally able to flirt with men they like or to somehow let them know they’re interested, while I’m spending ages trying to work out what I should do and how I should act, and then attempting to put that into practice.
Should it just come naturally? Should I just know how to show a guy I’m interested? Will I get better at it with experience? Or are all those experienced flirty women actually working very hard to do and say the right things and underneath it all feeling exactly the same as me?
I’ve actually searched the internet for tips on how to show someone I like them, but there is a part of me that feels that doing things such as deliberately amending your body language because a website suggested it is a little false. Although obviously not doing such things hasn’t got me anywhere so far, so maybe I need to give it a go.
On a completely different note I had a notification from the social networking site which was amusing in a perverse kind of way. An old schoolfriend of mine, who I haven’t seen for at least 16 years, answered a question about me in a quiz.
The question was “Do you think [my full name] is still a virgin?”
Her answer was no.
If only.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Things on my mind
A few things have happened so far this week, some good, some not so, which have left me a little pre-occupied.
The good is that I have an interview for a job I applied for a couple of weeks ago! It’s the same sort of job as my current one, but is effectively a promotion, which means that while it wouldn’t be too much out of my comfort zone, it would be more challenging and give me more responsibility. It’s also in a different town, so all in all it would be at least some of the change I’ve been wanting.
As I think I said before it’s not my dream job, and I’m not sure how much I really want it, but it is a job I could do and would probably be happy doing and I will try to prepare well for the interview. If nothing else it will be good interview practice and will give me an idea of how my interview technique is, as it’s been a while since I had one. It was also a boost to my confidence to know that my skills and experience are good enough to get me an interview. I am quite nervous already (that feeling started as soon as I read the email), but hope that will subside.
The not so good is a couple of things. My friend T is not doing too well at the moment. It seems the older guy from her work who she hoped she might start a relationship with has been treating her badly, and she is feeling quite depressed. I would love to be able to do something to make her feel better, but at the moment all I can really do is be there for her as and when she needs me.
The other not so good is a family problem which I don’t want to go into too much detail about. I hope it will work itself out, but at the moment I’m a little pessimistic.
I have seen Chatty Guy a couple of times. He was his usual talkative, teasing self, but did mention an attractive woman he briefly spoke to on his way home from the Christmas dinner. If he was interested in me in any way surely he wouldn’t be telling me about finding other women attractive? I haven’t managed to try any interested-in-him signs yet. Actually I’m not too sure what I can do in front of my colleagues. Maybe I’ll try a little emailing?
The good is that I have an interview for a job I applied for a couple of weeks ago! It’s the same sort of job as my current one, but is effectively a promotion, which means that while it wouldn’t be too much out of my comfort zone, it would be more challenging and give me more responsibility. It’s also in a different town, so all in all it would be at least some of the change I’ve been wanting.
As I think I said before it’s not my dream job, and I’m not sure how much I really want it, but it is a job I could do and would probably be happy doing and I will try to prepare well for the interview. If nothing else it will be good interview practice and will give me an idea of how my interview technique is, as it’s been a while since I had one. It was also a boost to my confidence to know that my skills and experience are good enough to get me an interview. I am quite nervous already (that feeling started as soon as I read the email), but hope that will subside.
The not so good is a couple of things. My friend T is not doing too well at the moment. It seems the older guy from her work who she hoped she might start a relationship with has been treating her badly, and she is feeling quite depressed. I would love to be able to do something to make her feel better, but at the moment all I can really do is be there for her as and when she needs me.
The other not so good is a family problem which I don’t want to go into too much detail about. I hope it will work itself out, but at the moment I’m a little pessimistic.
I have seen Chatty Guy a couple of times. He was his usual talkative, teasing self, but did mention an attractive woman he briefly spoke to on his way home from the Christmas dinner. If he was interested in me in any way surely he wouldn’t be telling me about finding other women attractive? I haven’t managed to try any interested-in-him signs yet. Actually I’m not too sure what I can do in front of my colleagues. Maybe I’ll try a little emailing?
Saturday, 6 December 2008
Sort of, kind of, maybe...
As I said in my last post I haven’t admitted it to anyone, not even really to myself, that there’s someone I think I might sort of like. I think Ecrivain’s comment about how not acknowledging something makes it easier to deal with was spot on.
In this situation I think that I’ve been trying to ignore what I might be feeling, because then I can just carry on treating him as a friendly colleague, and I don't have to worry about dealing with the myriad of stresses that go with liking someone, such as hiding my feelings for fear of making a fool out of myself. I'm not sure quite how it works, because after all the feelings are still there even if you ignore them, but it does seem to, to a certain extent at least.
Anyway, the guy in question is G, the one from work who regularly wanders into my office to chat (and I think I’ll nickname him Chatty Guy as it seems more suitable to his personality than just G). He’s worked within my department for a couple of years, but it’s only really since earlier this year that he’s been visiting my office to chat. I’ve always thought he was a fairly good looking guy, and the more he’s chatted to me, the more I’ve thought I quite like his personality too. There’s no spectacular fireworks going on, but we chat and joke and get on (I don’t really expect or want fireworks anyway. None of my friends who are in happy relationships have had that so I don’t feel it’s at all essential).
When I first starting realising the possibility that I might like him a couple of months ago, I confess I did spent a short amount of time thinking about whether he might be interested in me and came up with a mental list of reasons to think he is and reasons to think he isn’t.
The reasons to think he is were:
- He visits my office regularly to chat to me, and specifically me
- He often stays for so long that even though I like talking to him I start thinking he should go in case my colleagues think he’s taking up too much of my time
- He jokes around with me and teases me a fair bit. A lot actually.
The reasons to think he’s not were:
- He tends to talk about himself and things he’s up to, rather than asking about me and my life (I have read that some men talk at length about themselves if they’re nervous speaking to a woman but the pessimist in me doesn’t really believe that)
- He jokes around with a lot of people, and teases his female friends on a social networking site
- He’s turned down invites from me to go out for a drink/meal with me and a couple of other colleagues (although he has come along to a couple of group things which I'd forgotten all about when I said I'd never seen him outside work). If he was interested wouldn’t he take every opportunity to spend time with me?
- He mentions that other women are “hot” to me and to other men in front of me
- He hasn’t asked me out...
On balance I concluded he wasn’t interested and stuck to not admitting how I thought I might feel. It seemed to work and I’ve carried on chatting to him since in a friendly way, without feeling any stress and without engaging in any over analysis of his behaviour.
It was the department’s Christmas dinner the other evening. He was there and nothing happened to change what I’d already decided. I had hoped that I would get chance to chat to him, outside of the office, and that I might be able to gauge whether I’d reached the right conclusion, but the opportunity never arose. There were some group conversations, but I didn’t get to speak to him one on one.
He did carry on with the teasing. And I did get hold of his mobile phone number, given to me by one of our other colleagues so I could check his whereabouts. The evening itself was quite pleasant but I did wake up the following morning feeling just a little disappointed.
I’m not entirely sure what, if anything, to do next. I could just carry on ignoring how I might feel so I don’t have to deal with it, especially as I don’t think there’s any chance with him. I could admit it properly to myself and attempt to give him some of my far too subtle I’m-interested-in-you signs (which probably need to be a little less subtle) and see if I get any back. Or I could mention it to my friend E, as she knows both of us and might be able to give an objective opinion on his interest or lack of it.
In this situation I think that I’ve been trying to ignore what I might be feeling, because then I can just carry on treating him as a friendly colleague, and I don't have to worry about dealing with the myriad of stresses that go with liking someone, such as hiding my feelings for fear of making a fool out of myself. I'm not sure quite how it works, because after all the feelings are still there even if you ignore them, but it does seem to, to a certain extent at least.
Anyway, the guy in question is G, the one from work who regularly wanders into my office to chat (and I think I’ll nickname him Chatty Guy as it seems more suitable to his personality than just G). He’s worked within my department for a couple of years, but it’s only really since earlier this year that he’s been visiting my office to chat. I’ve always thought he was a fairly good looking guy, and the more he’s chatted to me, the more I’ve thought I quite like his personality too. There’s no spectacular fireworks going on, but we chat and joke and get on (I don’t really expect or want fireworks anyway. None of my friends who are in happy relationships have had that so I don’t feel it’s at all essential).
When I first starting realising the possibility that I might like him a couple of months ago, I confess I did spent a short amount of time thinking about whether he might be interested in me and came up with a mental list of reasons to think he is and reasons to think he isn’t.
The reasons to think he is were:
- He visits my office regularly to chat to me, and specifically me
- He often stays for so long that even though I like talking to him I start thinking he should go in case my colleagues think he’s taking up too much of my time
- He jokes around with me and teases me a fair bit. A lot actually.
The reasons to think he’s not were:
- He tends to talk about himself and things he’s up to, rather than asking about me and my life (I have read that some men talk at length about themselves if they’re nervous speaking to a woman but the pessimist in me doesn’t really believe that)
- He jokes around with a lot of people, and teases his female friends on a social networking site
- He’s turned down invites from me to go out for a drink/meal with me and a couple of other colleagues (although he has come along to a couple of group things which I'd forgotten all about when I said I'd never seen him outside work). If he was interested wouldn’t he take every opportunity to spend time with me?
- He mentions that other women are “hot” to me and to other men in front of me
- He hasn’t asked me out...
On balance I concluded he wasn’t interested and stuck to not admitting how I thought I might feel. It seemed to work and I’ve carried on chatting to him since in a friendly way, without feeling any stress and without engaging in any over analysis of his behaviour.
It was the department’s Christmas dinner the other evening. He was there and nothing happened to change what I’d already decided. I had hoped that I would get chance to chat to him, outside of the office, and that I might be able to gauge whether I’d reached the right conclusion, but the opportunity never arose. There were some group conversations, but I didn’t get to speak to him one on one.
He did carry on with the teasing. And I did get hold of his mobile phone number, given to me by one of our other colleagues so I could check his whereabouts. The evening itself was quite pleasant but I did wake up the following morning feeling just a little disappointed.
I’m not entirely sure what, if anything, to do next. I could just carry on ignoring how I might feel so I don’t have to deal with it, especially as I don’t think there’s any chance with him. I could admit it properly to myself and attempt to give him some of my far too subtle I’m-interested-in-you signs (which probably need to be a little less subtle) and see if I get any back. Or I could mention it to my friend E, as she knows both of us and might be able to give an objective opinion on his interest or lack of it.
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