I logged into eharmony this evening to find two matches have sent me open ended questions. One of them asks three interesting questions which will take a bit of thinking about, the other asks two which I can answer and a final one which is "What have you learned from past relationships?".
Soooooooo what answer to give? Lying feels plain wrong and I'm sure would be obvious. But is now the right time to say well actually I have had no past relationships? Is that a surefire way to make him run for the hills? Of the two guys he is the one I am less interested in but I'm not sure I want to close my options off, when there aren't that many of them in the first place.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Monday, 4 January 2010
The return of enthusiasm...sort of
I have had a fit of enthusiasm about eharmony this evening. I got rather a lot of new matches over Christmas and New Year and thought I'd better make time to look at them and see if any seem interesting.
I hadn't actually closed any matches or started communicating with anyone for a few weeks, so I had almost 300 new matches. I closed quite a few, but also found 4 or 5 who sparked my interest, so have opened communication with them. I also received answers from someone I contacted a couple of months ago. I really liked the sound of him so was pleased to see he has answered. I answered his questions, he has sent his must haves/can't stands and I have sent mine. We'll see what happens next.
Communication with Scarf Guy fizzled out. We hadn't got anywhere near agreeing to meet in person and I felt no urge whatsoever to suggest it so I think we can safely say it wouldn't have developed into anything.
I had someone send me an icebreaker and another guy start communication. One I have responded to, for the other I closed the match as I really didn't find him physically attractive. Looking at all the matches I have had, how many are closed and how many I have opened communication with, I suspect my lack of enthusiasm may have partly stemmed from the sheer lack of interest I am getting from my matches. I have had literally hundreds of matches, and have opened communication with any I felt I might get on with - probably at least a hundred of them. The number who have either contacted me, or responded to my contact is I think in single figures. Is that a normal hit rate for eharmony? Or am I getting less interest than most?
The thought that I was just not attractive or interesting enough did make me feel as if it was a waste of time. What is the point of contacting all these people if only 1% respond? Then again, maybe I do have to trawl through all those who aren't for me to find the one (or more) who is? Anyway, for the time being, I am going to try to log in to eharmony regularly and check my matches, something I have failed to do recently.
In other news, I spent a quiet Christmas with family in another part of the UK, and New Year with my best friend and her family. I have never understood the eagerness of everyone to celebrate on New Year's Eve, and discussing it with my friend I realised I have only actually gone out drinking/partying on the night a grand total of once, when I was 18. We were in bed shortly before midnight after watching a film on TV for the evening. The best thing about New Year was the time off work which gave me chance to spend time with those I care about.
The weekend before Christmas was a busy one. I visited E and A, and T and ended up eating out on both days. It was great to see them, and I saw A again a few days later when he came to a concert with me, as a last minute replacement for T who couldn't make it. It was a fun evening, and the more time I spend with him the more I realise that we make good friends, but would have been a failure as boyfriend/girlfriend.
I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year.
I hadn't actually closed any matches or started communicating with anyone for a few weeks, so I had almost 300 new matches. I closed quite a few, but also found 4 or 5 who sparked my interest, so have opened communication with them. I also received answers from someone I contacted a couple of months ago. I really liked the sound of him so was pleased to see he has answered. I answered his questions, he has sent his must haves/can't stands and I have sent mine. We'll see what happens next.
Communication with Scarf Guy fizzled out. We hadn't got anywhere near agreeing to meet in person and I felt no urge whatsoever to suggest it so I think we can safely say it wouldn't have developed into anything.
I had someone send me an icebreaker and another guy start communication. One I have responded to, for the other I closed the match as I really didn't find him physically attractive. Looking at all the matches I have had, how many are closed and how many I have opened communication with, I suspect my lack of enthusiasm may have partly stemmed from the sheer lack of interest I am getting from my matches. I have had literally hundreds of matches, and have opened communication with any I felt I might get on with - probably at least a hundred of them. The number who have either contacted me, or responded to my contact is I think in single figures. Is that a normal hit rate for eharmony? Or am I getting less interest than most?
The thought that I was just not attractive or interesting enough did make me feel as if it was a waste of time. What is the point of contacting all these people if only 1% respond? Then again, maybe I do have to trawl through all those who aren't for me to find the one (or more) who is? Anyway, for the time being, I am going to try to log in to eharmony regularly and check my matches, something I have failed to do recently.
In other news, I spent a quiet Christmas with family in another part of the UK, and New Year with my best friend and her family. I have never understood the eagerness of everyone to celebrate on New Year's Eve, and discussing it with my friend I realised I have only actually gone out drinking/partying on the night a grand total of once, when I was 18. We were in bed shortly before midnight after watching a film on TV for the evening. The best thing about New Year was the time off work which gave me chance to spend time with those I care about.
The weekend before Christmas was a busy one. I visited E and A, and T and ended up eating out on both days. It was great to see them, and I saw A again a few days later when he came to a concert with me, as a last minute replacement for T who couldn't make it. It was a fun evening, and the more time I spend with him the more I realise that we make good friends, but would have been a failure as boyfriend/girlfriend.
I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year.
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
A message from Brandy
I haven't been terribly good at blogging (again) recently. Busy weekends, away from the internet for Christmas etc etc. Just breaking the silence to post the below, from one of my favouries bloggers:
My name is Brandy. And I have a blog.
And a plea.
I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.
He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.
The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.
As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.
I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).
I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.
I did.
My name is Brandy. And I have a blog.
And a plea.
I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.
He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.
The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.
As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.
I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).
I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.
I did.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
So apparently I'm not the world's best party guest
Although I probably knew that about myself already. I went to my ex-housemate, the Scientist's birthday party the other evening. It was at her house and I said I'd go because I like her and because I would hate it if I was throwing a party and nobody came. I wasn't really that keen though, and would have preferred to sit at home with the TV or some music and a book.
I think I've mentioned previously that I'm not good in large groups of people. Well, the party was no exception. The only people I knew there were the Scientist, her housemate, and the Scientist's ex-work colleague. The rest were mostly people she knows from a musical activity she does. I spent some time talking to her, a little talking to her housemate, and most of the evening talking to the ex-work colleague. I will certainly never be one of those people who wanders around all the rooms at a house party chatting to everyone.
That bit of the evening was ok, especially when the ex-work colleague confessed that she didn't like house parties either. Unfortunately she had to leave fairly early and I ended up sitting with six or seven people I didn't know, listening to them talking and trying to smile or laugh at the appropriate points. I think I contributed about two comments, excluding telling them where I work when they asked.
I stayed late enough not to look rude then decided to leave. I got up and made my way out of the room, and I'm sure as I went one or two of the people made comments about having scared me off. I guess they may have thought I was unfriendly and rude as I didn't talk much, but surely there's no need to comment while I'm still in the room? I must have become much thicker skinned over the years because it didn't actually bother me. I just thought "oh well, their problem not mine".
I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this post. At 35 I know I'm not suddenly going to be able to change my whole character and become the life and soul of the party. I just wish I came across as a semi-confident, interesting person, rather than an extremely shy, socially maladjusted one. All the advice about going out and doing things making it easier to meet men is all very well, but it's not going to work if I can only manage to speak to people I already know.
I think I've mentioned previously that I'm not good in large groups of people. Well, the party was no exception. The only people I knew there were the Scientist, her housemate, and the Scientist's ex-work colleague. The rest were mostly people she knows from a musical activity she does. I spent some time talking to her, a little talking to her housemate, and most of the evening talking to the ex-work colleague. I will certainly never be one of those people who wanders around all the rooms at a house party chatting to everyone.
That bit of the evening was ok, especially when the ex-work colleague confessed that she didn't like house parties either. Unfortunately she had to leave fairly early and I ended up sitting with six or seven people I didn't know, listening to them talking and trying to smile or laugh at the appropriate points. I think I contributed about two comments, excluding telling them where I work when they asked.
I stayed late enough not to look rude then decided to leave. I got up and made my way out of the room, and I'm sure as I went one or two of the people made comments about having scared me off. I guess they may have thought I was unfriendly and rude as I didn't talk much, but surely there's no need to comment while I'm still in the room? I must have become much thicker skinned over the years because it didn't actually bother me. I just thought "oh well, their problem not mine".
I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this post. At 35 I know I'm not suddenly going to be able to change my whole character and become the life and soul of the party. I just wish I came across as a semi-confident, interesting person, rather than an extremely shy, socially maladjusted one. All the advice about going out and doing things making it easier to meet men is all very well, but it's not going to work if I can only manage to speak to people I already know.
Monday, 2 November 2009
Lethargy
It's been a while and there isn't a great deal to report. I've become sort of lethargic about the whole online dating thing. There's been a few more longish messages between me and Scarf Guy, but he has made no mention of meeting up. Even if he had I haven't had many free weekends recently. I've had a few get togethers with friends and I've been on holiday and the few times I have had a weekend to myself I've just felt like vegging. Yes I could have suggested meeting myself, but I think the fact that I didn't probably indicates that I'm not that interested in him.
I've had the odd bit of interest from a couple of other eharmony guys but at the moment I'm really just feeling "can't be bothered" about it all. I can't put my finger on why. Maybe it feels like hard work? Harder than meeting someone in real life, getting to know them and things developing from there. I know though that if I don't make the effort I can't really sit around and complain. The ideal man isn't just going to appear from nowhere. But how I go about getting back my enthusiasm and energy I'm not sure.
I still have enthusiasm and energy in the rest of my life. I had a great, fun time on holiday with T, I've been happy spending time with friends and I had a really entertaining evening with my work colleagues the other week. I have various "dates" in my diary for the next month or two. Trouble is, none of them are with men.
I've had the odd bit of interest from a couple of other eharmony guys but at the moment I'm really just feeling "can't be bothered" about it all. I can't put my finger on why. Maybe it feels like hard work? Harder than meeting someone in real life, getting to know them and things developing from there. I know though that if I don't make the effort I can't really sit around and complain. The ideal man isn't just going to appear from nowhere. But how I go about getting back my enthusiasm and energy I'm not sure.
I still have enthusiasm and energy in the rest of my life. I had a great, fun time on holiday with T, I've been happy spending time with friends and I had a really entertaining evening with my work colleagues the other week. I have various "dates" in my diary for the next month or two. Trouble is, none of them are with men.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
And if your way should falter, along the stony pass...
It's been a hectic few weeks, mostly unrelated to online dating. I have been away from home for the last three weekends and will be next weekend two,which has left me tired, but I have had some wonderful times with friends.
Weekend 1 I was away watching a U2 concert with T. We both loved it, so much so that we decided to try to get tickets for the following weekend at a different venue. We managed to get some, plus somewhere to stay so had a rather short notice weekend 2 away. The concert was even better than the first (better atmosphere, better crowd, felt more intimate) and we both came away as huge fans, whereas prior to seeing them live I would have described us as casual fans. We loved the "classics" but didn't know too much else. Now I am having to stop myself from trying to tell everyone I talk to about how great they were - I'm sure I have detected a few glazed looks.
Weekend 3 I visited my best friend for a couple of days, then had a day out with E and A which involved a gallery, lunch, a beach, paddling in the sea and more food. This weekend coming I am visiting T for her birthday. I don't think I've had this many busy weekends in a row for years, but I'm not complaining, it's been a really great few weeks.
On the dating front, I am still communicating with Scarf Guy. We've both sent some really long messages so I feel I am getting to know a fair bit about him. I know some of you have suggested I meet him as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry, but I think as he is the first one, I am happy with the long messages, then maybe a phone call before meeting in person. The messages are giving me practice at just communicating with a potential date. I'm ok at talking to male friends, but the potential date aspect makes me very nervous. I hope by the time we meet (assuming we do) I will feel as if I "know" him, will have things to talk about with him and will feel more relaxed with him. That's the theory anyway.
No more word from Bermuda Man so I think he's no. Two more guys have responded, a teacher who I'll call The Teacher, and a guy with a rather nice smile, who I find most attractive of the three. I also have a mountain of matches to wade through and either reject or contact. I haven't really been checking my account much recently. I will keep you posted of any developments.
Just a word on the title of this, it's a U2 lyric that I love, from a song written about/to Michael Hutchence after his suicide. It, and the rest of the song, have been popping into my head a lot recently, and I love the sentiment of it, that no matter how bad things may feel right now, it will pass, and it will get better. I have couple of people in my life who I have needed to say that to recently and in one case I emailed a link to the song. It felt a soppy thing to do, but also completely appropriate. There are some things that songs, poems etc can express better than I ever could.
Weekend 1 I was away watching a U2 concert with T. We both loved it, so much so that we decided to try to get tickets for the following weekend at a different venue. We managed to get some, plus somewhere to stay so had a rather short notice weekend 2 away. The concert was even better than the first (better atmosphere, better crowd, felt more intimate) and we both came away as huge fans, whereas prior to seeing them live I would have described us as casual fans. We loved the "classics" but didn't know too much else. Now I am having to stop myself from trying to tell everyone I talk to about how great they were - I'm sure I have detected a few glazed looks.
Weekend 3 I visited my best friend for a couple of days, then had a day out with E and A which involved a gallery, lunch, a beach, paddling in the sea and more food. This weekend coming I am visiting T for her birthday. I don't think I've had this many busy weekends in a row for years, but I'm not complaining, it's been a really great few weeks.
On the dating front, I am still communicating with Scarf Guy. We've both sent some really long messages so I feel I am getting to know a fair bit about him. I know some of you have suggested I meet him as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry, but I think as he is the first one, I am happy with the long messages, then maybe a phone call before meeting in person. The messages are giving me practice at just communicating with a potential date. I'm ok at talking to male friends, but the potential date aspect makes me very nervous. I hope by the time we meet (assuming we do) I will feel as if I "know" him, will have things to talk about with him and will feel more relaxed with him. That's the theory anyway.
No more word from Bermuda Man so I think he's no. Two more guys have responded, a teacher who I'll call The Teacher, and a guy with a rather nice smile, who I find most attractive of the three. I also have a mountain of matches to wade through and either reject or contact. I haven't really been checking my account much recently. I will keep you posted of any developments.
Just a word on the title of this, it's a U2 lyric that I love, from a song written about/to Michael Hutchence after his suicide. It, and the rest of the song, have been popping into my head a lot recently, and I love the sentiment of it, that no matter how bad things may feel right now, it will pass, and it will get better. I have couple of people in my life who I have needed to say that to recently and in one case I emailed a link to the song. It felt a soppy thing to do, but also completely appropriate. There are some things that songs, poems etc can express better than I ever could.
Saturday, 8 August 2009
Communication is open
I have now moved to "open communication" with Scarf Guy, which means we can now exchange proper messages. He sent the first, quite short as he was sending from an internet cafe while on holiday, but friendly. He told me a little about himself and asked a couple of things about me. He sent it earlier in the week, but I've only just got round to replying this evening. My message was longer than his, and hopefully struck a friendly tone and wasn't too boring.
I am still waiting for Barbados Man to reply to my last lot of questions. And a new guy has sent me questions. One is about how romantic I am, another about my idea of a romantic date, and a third about how physically affectionate I am (do I like hand holding etc). I am really not sure how to answer those. The multiple choices didn't include "no idea, never been in a romantic situation or been affectionate with a man"...This guy's profile put me off a little too. He'd written "dont" and "Im" (i.e. unpunctuated) and that is one of my absolute pet hates. It really doesn't take that long to put the apostrophe in, and without it the words are just plain wrong. Receiving messages spelt like that would drive me mad, so I may give him a miss.
In other news there is not a huge amount going on. I have had quite a lazy day today watching DVDs for the afternoon and evening. I had several which I'd bought ages ago but not got round to watching. It's been quite enjoyable. Next weekend promises to be a more exciting as I'm off to a concert with T.
And last but not least thank you to those readers who have emailed me, it's good to learn a little more about you :)
I am still waiting for Barbados Man to reply to my last lot of questions. And a new guy has sent me questions. One is about how romantic I am, another about my idea of a romantic date, and a third about how physically affectionate I am (do I like hand holding etc). I am really not sure how to answer those. The multiple choices didn't include "no idea, never been in a romantic situation or been affectionate with a man"...This guy's profile put me off a little too. He'd written "dont" and "Im" (i.e. unpunctuated) and that is one of my absolute pet hates. It really doesn't take that long to put the apostrophe in, and without it the words are just plain wrong. Receiving messages spelt like that would drive me mad, so I may give him a miss.
In other news there is not a huge amount going on. I have had quite a lazy day today watching DVDs for the afternoon and evening. I had several which I'd bought ages ago but not got round to watching. It's been quite enjoyable. Next weekend promises to be a more exciting as I'm off to a concert with T.
And last but not least thank you to those readers who have emailed me, it's good to learn a little more about you :)
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