Well, he still sounds interesting

I sent the email. I tried not to make it too long and rambling, gave a bit of information about myself and talked about my plans for Easter. He replied within a day or two and I found that an major interest of mine which I'd mentioned in my email is something he shares. He seems a normal, nice guy with a sense of humour and I still find him interesting, which is good.

I wonder whether I should try to meet him in person soon. I do think I spent too long emailing Scarf Guy instead of meeting him, partly as I wasn't overly interested, and partly due to fear of going on a date. There's only so much you can learn about someone from an email though, and it could take weeks for me to find that actually, we aren't that suited. If I'm still interested after his next message (assuming he replies) and if he doesn't mention meeting in person, I may force myself to be exceedingly brave and suggest it myself.

A very unexpected reply

Well, this I really was not expecting. The guy I responded to sort of truthfully about why I joined e-harmony has actually replied to my questions. So he has read my possibly a little too to the point answer, knows feelings of mine that I haven't shared with some of my closest friends, and yet he has still responded. I'm not quite sure how to react.

I asked him the same question about why he joined e-harmony and his answer suggests he hasn't exactly had hundreds of relationships himself, which is fine by me. And he loves travelling, as do I. And he can spell and use correct grammar which is always a plus. Now I just need to pluck up the courage to send him an email and see what happens from there.

Response sent...watch this space

I sent the response that I suggested in my last post.

I added a little extra saying that I do have friends who I socialise with, so may not be totally socially inept, and that I'm not sure if I am a complete misfit.

I did say that I had been unable to find a boyfriend offline and thought that eHarmony might be less hit and miss. I don't know whether he will read that as I have never had a boyfriend, or I am having difficulty finding one at the moment.

I have sent him 3 questions of my own. I guess I will either get responses, or he will close the match. I will keep you posted.

The truth will out?

I just checked my eharmony account as I had an email to tell me I had received a communication, and I just had to smile at what I found. I have got as far as open ended questions with one of the guys I contacted last weekend. He has just sent me his, the last of which is:

Why did you join eHarmony?

So who dares me to answer that with "Because I am a socially inept, unconfident misfit who has been unable to find a boyfriend despite being nearly 36"? Honesty is after all the best policy, and the truth will out in the end.

It appears I am feeling somewhat more blase about the whole thing since I cancelled my subscription.

E-non-harmony

I have just cancelled my e-harmony subscription, and surprise,surprise, after several months as a member, I am no closer to a relationship. If I'm honest, I don't think my heart was really in it. I didn't want to be the woman who had to resort to a dating website to find someone, and I was (and still am) not that confident about communicating with men I've never met, but who I have been matched with and therefore I am supposed to get to know. (I was also a bit annoyed by e-harmony auto renewing my subscription without asking me.)

My membership is paid until April 8th so I have just had a trawl through my matches and fired off a couple of responses and some questions. The guy who wanted to know what I had learnt from previous relationships appears to have closed communication so I didn't have to tackle that one. I actually felt more relaxed about answering the questions knowing that my membership is ending. I didn't spend ages deliberating over what to say and how, I just typed what I felt. I guess part of me is thinking that by the time they reply I may not be a member anymore so I won't be able to communicate with them.

I wonder if I might be more suited to a dating site where you pick the guys yourself and are not matched. Apart from the e-harmony matches mostly being awful, once I started communicating with people, I did feel a sort of pressure to get on with them. I'd been matched with them, they were possibly interested in me, therefore they were a potential boyfriend, if that makes sense. Maybe I wouldn't feel that on site where there is no matching?

I'm not sure where else other than online I am going to meet anyone. I am still swimming, but it's a solitary activity, I go out once a week most weeks with my ex-housemate the Scientist, and two of her friends, but it's not the sort of evening where you meet new people. I do have a new housemate who I guess may have friends I could meet, but then again I have known my current male housemate for over a year and I have never met a single friend or family member of his.

In other parts of life, things are good. I am getting on well in my new job and am working with a great bunch of people. It is about to get very busy and probably pretty stressful but it will hopefully be an enjoyable challenge.

I visited my old town a few weeks ago and spent time with E and A, and am meeting T this week to go a concert. T and I have a lot of things planned for this year, including holidays and more concerts, and I am so glad I have her as most of these things I wouldn't really want to do on my own. I really hope that if she stops being single she will still have time for me. I am fairly sure she will have. Talking of people who are no longer single, my best friend (who is married) and I are going to see a show together next month. It's something we used to do fairly often years ago and I'm really looking forward to it. As she said herself, it will be just like old times.

Now what?

I logged into eharmony this evening to find two matches have sent me open ended questions. One of them asks three interesting questions which will take a bit of thinking about, the other asks two which I can answer and a final one which is "What have you learned from past relationships?".

Soooooooo what answer to give? Lying feels plain wrong and I'm sure would be obvious. But is now the right time to say well actually I have had no past relationships? Is that a surefire way to make him run for the hills? Of the two guys he is the one I am less interested in but I'm not sure I want to close my options off, when there aren't that many of them in the first place.

The return of enthusiasm...sort of

I have had a fit of enthusiasm about eharmony this evening. I got rather a lot of new matches over Christmas and New Year and thought I'd better make time to look at them and see if any seem interesting.

I hadn't actually closed any matches or started communicating with anyone for a few weeks, so I had almost 300 new matches. I closed quite a few, but also found 4 or 5 who sparked my interest, so have opened communication with them. I also received answers from someone I contacted a couple of months ago. I really liked the sound of him so was pleased to see he has answered. I answered his questions, he has sent his must haves/can't stands and I have sent mine. We'll see what happens next.

Communication with Scarf Guy fizzled out. We hadn't got anywhere near agreeing to meet in person and I felt no urge whatsoever to suggest it so I think we can safely say it wouldn't have developed into anything.

I had someone send me an icebreaker and another guy start communication. One I have responded to, for the other I closed the match as I really didn't find him physically attractive. Looking at all the matches I have had, how many are closed and how many I have opened communication with, I suspect my lack of enthusiasm may have partly stemmed from the sheer lack of interest I am getting from my matches. I have had literally hundreds of matches, and have opened communication with any I felt I might get on with - probably at least a hundred of them. The number who have either contacted me, or responded to my contact is I think in single figures. Is that a normal hit rate for eharmony? Or am I getting less interest than most?

The thought that I was just not attractive or interesting enough did make me feel as if it was a waste of time. What is the point of contacting all these people if only 1% respond? Then again, maybe I do have to trawl through all those who aren't for me to find the one (or more) who is? Anyway, for the time being, I am going to try to log in to eharmony regularly and check my matches, something I have failed to do recently.

In other news, I spent a quiet Christmas with family in another part of the UK, and New Year with my best friend and her family. I have never understood the eagerness of everyone to celebrate on New Year's Eve, and discussing it with my friend I realised I have only actually gone out drinking/partying on the night a grand total of once, when I was 18. We were in bed shortly before midnight after watching a film on TV for the evening. The best thing about New Year was the time off work which gave me chance to spend time with those I care about.

The weekend before Christmas was a busy one. I visited E and A, and T and ended up eating out on both days. It was great to see them, and I saw A again a few days later when he came to a concert with me, as a last minute replacement for T who couldn't make it. It was a fun evening, and the more time I spend with him the more I realise that we make good friends, but would have been a failure as boyfriend/girlfriend.

I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year.