Nothing to report

No news on the e-harmony front I'm afraid. I emailed him on the same day as my last blog post, he replied the next day. I'd mentioned that life was a bit busy at the moment but that it would be good to meet, he said that things were hectic for him too but he'd like to meet. So far so good.

I was away visiting my best friend last weekend, and he was out of the country. I meant to email him early this week, but have had a ridiculously busy time at work and haven't really been in in the right mood. I've turned on my laptop in the evenings but have tended to only have the energy to stare at the screen, rather than come up with something to write. I finally replied to him last night.

I feel bad for taking so long to do so, and part of me is thinking that I'm deliberately avoiding emailing so as to push a possible meeting further into the future. I know that is probably the worst thing I can do. I just need to arrange a date and get it over and done with. It can't be as bad as I am imagining, and once I've been on one date, hopefully my fear and nervousness will subside a little. I am away next weekend, but have told him that I am free the weekend after and also have some free evenings this week and next.

I'm still having fun with friends. My best friend and I went out to the big city last weekend, just the two of us, without her husband and children. We used to do that a fair bit when she was single, and it was long overdue. We both had great fun. E and A visited today and we did some exploring of the local area. I'm off to a wedding next weekend, which should be fun, but is also likely to remind me of my lack of relationship as I'll be one of the only guest without a "plus one".

Bravery may not be needed

His latest email ended by saying it would be great to meet up and have a chat when he gets back from a long weekend away, so I may not have to make the suggestion myself.

Of course I will still have to summon up the courage to actually go along and meet him in person. I am likely to be absolutely terrified, worried about what to say and nervous about awkward silences. I think I am just plain scared of any man who might be a potential boyfriend.

I am actually pretty busy at weekends the next couple of months so I'm not quite sure when this meeting up could take place. He lives close enough that we could meet in the evening but then that would probably have to involve dinner, and I think I'd rather have a shorter date to start with, maybe just a coffee. If it goes well it can be extended, but if it goes badly we're not stuck in a restaurant until we've finished eating.

Well, he still sounds interesting

I sent the email. I tried not to make it too long and rambling, gave a bit of information about myself and talked about my plans for Easter. He replied within a day or two and I found that an major interest of mine which I'd mentioned in my email is something he shares. He seems a normal, nice guy with a sense of humour and I still find him interesting, which is good.

I wonder whether I should try to meet him in person soon. I do think I spent too long emailing Scarf Guy instead of meeting him, partly as I wasn't overly interested, and partly due to fear of going on a date. There's only so much you can learn about someone from an email though, and it could take weeks for me to find that actually, we aren't that suited. If I'm still interested after his next message (assuming he replies) and if he doesn't mention meeting in person, I may force myself to be exceedingly brave and suggest it myself.

A very unexpected reply

Well, this I really was not expecting. The guy I responded to sort of truthfully about why I joined e-harmony has actually replied to my questions. So he has read my possibly a little too to the point answer, knows feelings of mine that I haven't shared with some of my closest friends, and yet he has still responded. I'm not quite sure how to react.

I asked him the same question about why he joined e-harmony and his answer suggests he hasn't exactly had hundreds of relationships himself, which is fine by me. And he loves travelling, as do I. And he can spell and use correct grammar which is always a plus. Now I just need to pluck up the courage to send him an email and see what happens from there.

Response sent...watch this space

I sent the response that I suggested in my last post.

I added a little extra saying that I do have friends who I socialise with, so may not be totally socially inept, and that I'm not sure if I am a complete misfit.

I did say that I had been unable to find a boyfriend offline and thought that eHarmony might be less hit and miss. I don't know whether he will read that as I have never had a boyfriend, or I am having difficulty finding one at the moment.

I have sent him 3 questions of my own. I guess I will either get responses, or he will close the match. I will keep you posted.

The truth will out?

I just checked my eharmony account as I had an email to tell me I had received a communication, and I just had to smile at what I found. I have got as far as open ended questions with one of the guys I contacted last weekend. He has just sent me his, the last of which is:

Why did you join eHarmony?

So who dares me to answer that with "Because I am a socially inept, unconfident misfit who has been unable to find a boyfriend despite being nearly 36"? Honesty is after all the best policy, and the truth will out in the end.

It appears I am feeling somewhat more blase about the whole thing since I cancelled my subscription.

E-non-harmony

I have just cancelled my e-harmony subscription, and surprise,surprise, after several months as a member, I am no closer to a relationship. If I'm honest, I don't think my heart was really in it. I didn't want to be the woman who had to resort to a dating website to find someone, and I was (and still am) not that confident about communicating with men I've never met, but who I have been matched with and therefore I am supposed to get to know. (I was also a bit annoyed by e-harmony auto renewing my subscription without asking me.)

My membership is paid until April 8th so I have just had a trawl through my matches and fired off a couple of responses and some questions. The guy who wanted to know what I had learnt from previous relationships appears to have closed communication so I didn't have to tackle that one. I actually felt more relaxed about answering the questions knowing that my membership is ending. I didn't spend ages deliberating over what to say and how, I just typed what I felt. I guess part of me is thinking that by the time they reply I may not be a member anymore so I won't be able to communicate with them.

I wonder if I might be more suited to a dating site where you pick the guys yourself and are not matched. Apart from the e-harmony matches mostly being awful, once I started communicating with people, I did feel a sort of pressure to get on with them. I'd been matched with them, they were possibly interested in me, therefore they were a potential boyfriend, if that makes sense. Maybe I wouldn't feel that on site where there is no matching?

I'm not sure where else other than online I am going to meet anyone. I am still swimming, but it's a solitary activity, I go out once a week most weeks with my ex-housemate the Scientist, and two of her friends, but it's not the sort of evening where you meet new people. I do have a new housemate who I guess may have friends I could meet, but then again I have known my current male housemate for over a year and I have never met a single friend or family member of his.

In other parts of life, things are good. I am getting on well in my new job and am working with a great bunch of people. It is about to get very busy and probably pretty stressful but it will hopefully be an enjoyable challenge.

I visited my old town a few weeks ago and spent time with E and A, and am meeting T this week to go a concert. T and I have a lot of things planned for this year, including holidays and more concerts, and I am so glad I have her as most of these things I wouldn't really want to do on my own. I really hope that if she stops being single she will still have time for me. I am fairly sure she will have. Talking of people who are no longer single, my best friend (who is married) and I are going to see a show together next month. It's something we used to do fairly often years ago and I'm really looking forward to it. As she said herself, it will be just like old times.